Ripped my heart out today....

[91AWDAstro]

I've really been hesitant on posting this, but a lot of the members here are like a second family even though we've never actually met. I'm about to go through some major changes in my life and need some support. My wife has decided after 11 years the grass might be greener on the other side. Though I'll admit the marrige hasn't been all I expected, I knew it was a lot of work and was not ready to quit. She has gone to an attorny and said she has filled. I'm pissed, but what has really tore me up over all this is my kids. We decided to break the news to them today. It's a good thing I don't own any guns cause I felt like going out and putting one to my head. When I think of them it tears me apart how unfair it is to them that they have to go through this just because my wife want's to quit.

I'm really at a loss for words right now, but hopefully those who have been through this understand how I'm feeling.

[dumb lady]

I am so sorry for you & your kids. I hope your wife has a change of heart. But if that's not to be...Please hang in there & know that everyone here is thinking about you & your family. I'll pray for you all. Take care Mr 91AWD.

[potskie]

That sucks dude. I'm so sorry to hear that. Being the product of a single parent home after my parents split I can say it will suck for them. But they will survive just don't what ever you do allow you or your wife to use them as a weapon in the divorce. It makes it just that much harder for them and yourself. One thing is for sure tho they will really love the holidays. I always found it funny how my parents would seemingly try to win my love or to make me love one more than the other by spoiling me rotten with gifts. Personally that was the only good part lol. I'm such a tool I know.

[ihatemybike]

Dude, that sucks. I wish I something truly insightful to say, but I have no experience here. Just don't go and do anything stupid. Kids will always need their parents. I'm watching the kids of a friend beginning to act up after he committed suicide this past summer. Do what you can to keep yourself sane and keep yourself with people that care about you. Take the high road in all you do, be the better person. I wish you luck in the upcoming months.

[rlsllc]

I'm a fellow victom. I went through living, bleeding, burning hell when my ex left. Indescribable. At least she left my kids with me when she called it quits. Them and a BUNCH of hidden debt and bills.

It's been almost 7 years, and I can say that the last 6 have been hands down the happiest of my life. I met my new wife a few months after the ex flew the coupe, and married her 2 years after that, and now have 2 kids with her, for a total of 3 boys and a girl.

Her leaving was a blessing in disguise. My ex never cared for her kids or me like my new wife does.

I know it hurts: heart, guts, head, and balls, but keep cool and chin high; You WILL make it through this. It could be the best thing that ever happens to you. I speak from real life experience.

[91AWDAstro]

Thanks for the support. I know I'll make it through it, just not sure If I'm doing the right thing. I'm starting feel guilty because this almost happened 4 years ago. We went to consuling and she wouldn't even finish the last two sessions. I took consulers advice then and told her to get it out if she wasn unhappy. She turned around after some time, but back to same story again. I'm just tired of fighting it. I'll admit I've been hanging on because of my kids. I know that's not right, but I feel we need to try for them. If you would have seem my kids faces, I don't think I've ever felt this miserble in my entire life. Even if I had to spend the rest of my life with that unhappy women.

[PharmAstrocist]

That's aweful, my friend. Almost went through with that last year myself. How old are the kids?

PLEASE see an attorney. Things get worse from here, as you'll quickly find out you were worth more divorced than together. Push for joint custody, I really hope this is not in contention.

[astrozam]

I've really been hesitant on posting this, but a lot of the members here are like a second family even though we've never actually met. I'm about to go through some major changes in my life and need some support. My wife has decided after 11 years the grass might be greener on the other side. Though I'll admit the marrige hasn't been all I expected, I knew it was a lot of work and was not ready to quit. She has gone to an attorny and said she has filled. I'm pissed, but what has really tore me up over all this is my kids. We decided to break the news to them today. It's a good thing I don't own any guns cause I felt like going out and putting one to my head. When I think of them it tears me apart how unfair it is to them that they have to go through this just because my wife want's to quit.

I'm really at a loss for words right now, but hopefully those who have been through this understand how I'm feeling.

I went thru this scenario about 3yrs ago,and at the time I didn't really have anyone to talk to, so I kept it bottled up inside until I finally confided to some members on this site,it was a huge relief,so feel free to
talk if you wish or you can send a pm.
Rob as he already mentioned went thru a problem last yr,and his advice to get an Attorney is well founded.Also, there is a treasure trove of info out there regarding your States laws when it comes to matters of seperation and custody I suggest you start using some of your time to find out what your rights as a Father are ( believe me, you are going to be surprised at how 1 sided the laws take on this is) so preparation,a good attorney ( if there is such a thing ) are key.
Get a notebook a write down ALL conversations with your wife regarding this matter.
Do not leave your marital home,if she wants to end matters let her leave,this is very important. O.k,I've yacked on long enough and am starting to bring up bad memories,LOL

[GEJ]

Chris,
Been there and done that years ago.Your kids and you are going to be all right.Life goes on.I know it hurts right now.But you got to force yourself to keep a clear head and have a clear plan with legal advise.Be open with your kids what you are feeling and let them tell you how they are feeling as well.This idea of being strong for them is way over rated. Just be their guide as you where before.They will love for it in the long run.Protect your interests because it is protecting your kids interests in the long run as well.
My PM is open 24/7 and if you need anything at all-well you know how to get a hold of me.

Gary

[peter]

As many others have stated, been there & done that. By "that", I mean a divorce.
There's alot of blaming and bad feelings towards the other party which you will start to/ continue to feel for awhile. Just remember that you're not the 1st one, or the only one to go through this kinda thing. Regardless of whether you were to blame or not!

I PROMISE you that things will get better. Follow the advice mentioned here and GO GET A LAWYER. Not so that you can come out fighting, just so's that you don't get burnt. Remember that your kids need you and that you will not live out the rest of your life alone.

PS: Do NOT pm Gary, he'll depress you more than anything else.....

[BLAZER]

Well, one positive thing in this thread is we learned or are reminded that peter didn't have any kids when he got divorced. Well, it's just a positve that Peter doesn't have any kids without even talking about his divorce

I don't know what to say, never been there, but whatever age your kids are, make sure they know they were not any factors in the divorce, that is was all between your wife and you. I've known a few families that went through it and the kids always felt guilty that somehow it was their fault. Good luck on whatever happens, you know we are all here for ya.

[dunedog]

Chris a couple of other things:

If you can each keep from getting too bitter and truly want to get though this,you both need to approach the divorce understanding what it brings.Try if at all possible and if your state law allows to divorce through a *mediator*.
This is probably the most non-confrontational and cost effective way through.

Ask friends or people whose judgement you trust for a good lawyers name. Don't be afraid to see a few, until you find one you feel comfortable with.

Also get in touch with your family physician and let he/she know what is going on.
What you are heading into will be the equivalent on your system to having a heart attack.

Don't second guess yourself.Move forward and realize,, as so many here have said that you will get through this!

The ASV family is a great asset to have. Don't be afraid to use us!

[astrogurl]

I have absolutely no experience advice to give, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your children. The fact that you willingly went to counseling before speaks volumes.

Your children need you, others need you, and one day life will return to a sense of normal. Just now, you've been hit with a storm, but the storm will pass, hang on!

[GEJ]

Chris,
I have been thinking about you and have some more thoughts for you to consider.CALL THAT LAWYER FIRST.Then right after that call all banks,credit card companies,and any other vested companies to tell them what is going on.Don't let anyone tell you your totally at fault.It takes two.Freeze any money matters until after you go to court in the interest of yourself and your children.Be supportive towards the children with they needs.Just be the most stand up dad anyone could find.It will come back to you ten times over once you do go to court.The shock of court is going to be pretty rude.But you will find your way thru the years to follow.It might not be fair the decisions make in court,but be the bigger person.Lead with your head first and then for your kids with your heart.Convince yourself she can't hurt you anymore.That part is behind you now.To dig up who did what is just a waste of time now.Think about what next yr is going to be like for you and the kids.What fun your all going to have together.I guess I am saying is be as positive as you can be.

Remember,My pm is open 24/7.

Gary

[rlsllc]

Peter and Gary are right, get a lawyer.

Dunedog had the best advise:

Ask friends or people whose judgement you trust for a good lawyers name. Don't be afraid to see a few, until you find one you feel comfortable with.

I asked around, and around, and around. The guy I used was all business. Specialized in divorce, and pulled hard for the rights of fathers. He had been there himself.

We're all here for you.