Ripped my heart out today....

[91AWDAstro]

Thanks again for all the support and advice. I've got the attorney thing covered. Fortunately we both agree it doesn't make any sense for us to fight, because we'd both loose in the end. I think her more so than me. As I mentioned this has happend before, once shortly after we were married and our oldest daughter was born. Then again four years ago which we went for consuling. I know now I got married to young and too fast. I've been fighting this because of the kids, but have just had enough. I don't think she's out to screw me, just for what ever reason doesn't know what she wants. It's always been that way for her. In and out of jobs, stay home mom, no that would last for a while then back to work again. Same with friends they come and go for her. She's just not happy with herself and I can never fill that. That is what came out of the consuling four years ago and she refused to go to the last two sessions. Worst thing was it was a women consuler. It was good for me, I do have issues but she just refused to accept that she had any. There is no perfect relationship. I'm ok and will get through this, I love my kids I just feel it's cheating them a family life of two parents. I guess I'm just old fashioned. I'm man enough to accept the fact that I agreed to have children right away and to get married so soon. My feelings to me are not as improtant as my childrens. Overall I think our society has made it two easy and acceptable to quit. I believe in the vows we took "for better or worse", but I guess she doesn't feel the same way. I was so hurt when we told the kids, she didn't show any sadness while me and the kids passed around the tissue box. I'll probably never understand what she is thinking. Maybe she'll find what she's looking for. I have funny feeling I could wind up with the kids eventually anway. She has a short fuse with them sometimes and when they both hit teen years I can see a blow out happening.

I haven't touched the van the last two days, need to get involved in that to keep my mind off it.

[dunedog]

Fortunately we both agree it doesn't make any sense for us to fight, because we'd both loose in the end. .

Hopefully this becomes reality ! If you get into fighting, the lawyers become the winners.
Good luck Chris

[dunedog]

Chris, also become aware of how your lawyer charges his fee. It is usually by the 1/10 of hour etc.Every call you make a minimum 1/10 etc. Another words get organized and your ducks in a row.
Make lists of questions beforehand, so as not to waste his/her or your time.
Don't talk about vans or your dogs the clock is ticking!
This isn't to scare you as just to make you aware! You have hired him/her and all the resources of their office and staff.
Be as efficient as possible.

[Rebel]

I don't think she's out to screw me, just for what ever reason doesn't know what she wants.

The above statement is the main reason you need an attorney real soon. I'm not going to get deep into this subject but my x and I have been divorced for 14 years. My children are 19 and 23 years old and to this day my x still has control over my life and my wifes.
The only advise I have is get an attorney quickly and never ever let her use the kids for leverage for any reason. This is difficult for you to control if at all but can tell ya, I kept my mouth shut for 14 years, just so there would not be any issues the kids would be in the middle of during all that time. The cost for that, 14 years before my children would even mention anything that took place at their Mothers and step-fathers house. It was like I was a totall outsider. Only in the last few years have they opened up to me and share their feelings about their Mother and her ways.
If you can work it out, work it out and move on together. If you can't, be prepared for what comes down the tubes,,it ain't pretty and it seems when kids are in the middle, the mother always has the leverage over everyones life.

[91AWDAstro]

Well I dropped off my retainer today to my attorney. He hasn't recieved the papper work from her attorney yet. I guess it's just a matter of miserble time now. Hopefully I can keep my self occupied and keep my mind off it. It's really hard to keep you head straight. I just want to get through it and move on with my life. I feel like I'm walking around with a close pin on my testicle.

[dunedog]

Chris,don't get impatient. It is going to be a longer process than you think. If you come to an agreement and are done a year from now,that will be good.

[Rebel]

It can happen sooner if all is agreeable with you both. Don't give up anything unless you have to. I'm assuming someone has moved out, if not, after that takes place, things get alot easier and again after the kids are in a regular routine.
Hang in there,,like the description with the clothespin,,real close but it does get better soon. Work with the kids and get them as often as you can and never a harsh word about their Mother. Somehow I was able to do that for 14 years but unloaded on my son when he was about 18 or 19 and told him the truth about many lies she told to turn them against me. Don't do this,, they'll realize many things down the road if you take care of them. Always put the wrench down when they come running. In a nut shell,,I'll share this with you,,my brother was a great golfer,,started playing when he was 9 and played until almost the end at 53 when he died and I played baseball baseball baseball, it's all I wanted to do, our Dad never came to any of my baseball games or watch Pat in any of the many golf tournaments he played in and at 60 yerars old I have a hard time dealing with that even today.
IT'S ABOUT THE KIDS NOW,,NOT YOU AND THE SOON TO BE X. Not shouting,,just want you to know how important that is now. If you forget that,, you'll have to live with it the rest of your life,,you don't want that.

[peter]

Hey Chris, what part of the country do you live in?

[GEJ]

Every split-up is filled with hurt and pain.The number one rule I think to live by is never let your guard down and never let yourself get blindsided.Write down everything she saids and provide that to your lawyer.Be prepaired to address suprizes and if you never use it,so be it.It is work that will protect you and your kids in the long term.

[mazade]

"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." Abraham Lincoln

Sure, I may deserve a ration of shit for this.. but seriously now: Seek out and get to know Jesus - you'll be more than surprised at what He's capable of doing in/with peoples broken(or "regular") lives.