Capt. Squid's Jokes
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Rileysowner
- I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1290
- Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:14 pm
- Location: Exeter ON
- Contact:
That is just bad, and evil, and nasty. [-X
"I have a torque wrench and I am not afraid to use it."
Jim
1997 GMC Safari RWD, Power Windows and Locks, 7 passenger, a/c, rear heat
http://rileysowner.blogspot.com/
Jim
1997 GMC Safari RWD, Power Windows and Locks, 7 passenger, a/c, rear heat
http://rileysowner.blogspot.com/
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "so I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "so I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."
03 "Pewter" Astro AWD stock
early 90s Astro currently under the knife
early 90s Astro currently under the knife
CUTE!! Funny!! I've never seen that one... =D>-
Rileysowner
- I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1290
- Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:14 pm
- Location: Exeter ON
- Contact:
I liked that one Gurl."I have a torque wrench and I am not afraid to use it."
Jim
1997 GMC Safari RWD, Power Windows and Locks, 7 passenger, a/c, rear heat
http://rileysowner.blogspot.com/
Jim
1997 GMC Safari RWD, Power Windows and Locks, 7 passenger, a/c, rear heat
http://rileysowner.blogspot.com/
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trybe13
- I sleep in my van
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2006 6:53 pm
- Location: Artesia, NM -a beautiful desert oasis
- Contact:
=D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
90 Safari XT Hi Top
Lead guitarist for The Jericho Effect
Click the link to bang that head! http://www.ilike.com/artist/Trybe13
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CaptSquid
Topic author - I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:50 am
- Location: Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
His Last Request
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Father O'Grady.
"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says the priest. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
"That he did, Father..."
"What did he ask, Mary?"
"He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun'!"
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Father O'Grady.
"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says the priest. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
"That he did, Father..."
"What did he ask, Mary?"
"He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun'!"
Mike, Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
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CaptSquid
Topic author - I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:50 am
- Location: Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
Airline Banter
The following are some real examples of airline banter that have been heard or reported by passengers or air crew members.
1. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan National Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
2. Heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendent said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarilla. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left f our airplane to the gate!"
3. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercome, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax ... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and, after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercome and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was taling to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in the back yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
The following are some real examples of airline banter that have been heard or reported by passengers or air crew members.
1. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan National Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
2. Heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendent said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarilla. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left f our airplane to the gate!"
3. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercome, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax ... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and, after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercome and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was taling to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in the back yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Mike, Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
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CaptSquid
Topic author - I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:50 am
- Location: Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
Bumper Stickers - For Women!
1. Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
2. Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman!
3. Being unstable and bitchy is all part of my mystique.
4. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you!
5. Marriage: The end of a perfectly good sex life!
6. Romance: It's like sex without handcuffs.
7. Jewelry - Because great sex doesn't last forever!
8. Tequila! Helping women lower their standards for years!
9. Life! So much time, so few men!
1. Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
2. Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman!
3. Being unstable and bitchy is all part of my mystique.
4. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you!
5. Marriage: The end of a perfectly good sex life!
6. Romance: It's like sex without handcuffs.
7. Jewelry - Because great sex doesn't last forever!
8. Tequila! Helping women lower their standards for years!
9. Life! So much time, so few men!
Mike, Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
Boy Howdy !!! I know how TRUE that one is !!!!4. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you!
YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
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CaptSquid
Topic author - I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:50 am
- Location: Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
Real T-Shirts
1. REHAB is for quitters.
2. I'm not Santa, but you can still sit on my lap.
3. PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
4. Squirrels: Nature's little speed bumps.
5. My Indian name is Runs With Beer.
6. 333: I'm only evil half the time.
7. Getting married was her idea.
1. REHAB is for quitters.
2. I'm not Santa, but you can still sit on my lap.
3. PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
4. Squirrels: Nature's little speed bumps.
5. My Indian name is Runs With Beer.
6. 333: I'm only evil half the time.
7. Getting married was her idea.
Mike, Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
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dumb lady
- I sleep in my van
- Posts: 314
- Joined: Wed Sep 20, 2006 3:53 pm
- Location: The Swamplands of FL
I wish I could buy a RICH man at Dunkin Donuts for 99 cents!!CaptSquid wrote:Bumper Stickers - For Women!
1. Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.
~Ayn Rand
'96 RWD Astro. 155K
~Ayn Rand
'96 RWD Astro. 155K