Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 9:12 am
That is just bad, and evil, and nasty. [-X
Dark, but funny.
Remind me please, never to get married to you;)
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Capt. Squid's Jokes
Page 4 of 12
Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 7:36 pm
I've seen that one Squiddy!
Dark, but funny.
Remind me please, never to get married to you;)
Dark, but funny.
Remind me please, never to get married to you;)
Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:10 pm
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "so I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "so I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."
Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 3:59 pm
CUTE!! Funny!! I've never seen that one... =D>Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:42 pm
I liked that one Gurl.Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:26 pm
=D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 5:30 am
His Last Request
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Father O'Grady.
"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says the priest. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
"That he did, Father..."
"What did he ask, Mary?"
"He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun'!"
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Father O'Grady.
"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says the priest. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
"That he did, Father..."
"What did he ask, Mary?"
"He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun'!"
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 6:28 am
He didn't PASS away. He got BLOWN away. Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:58 am
Airline Banter
The following are some real examples of airline banter that have been heard or reported by passengers or air crew members.
1. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan National Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
2. Heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendent said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarilla. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left f our airplane to the gate!"
3. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercome, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax ... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and, after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercome and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was taling to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in the back yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
The following are some real examples of airline banter that have been heard or reported by passengers or air crew members.
1. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan National Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
2. Heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendent said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarilla. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left f our airplane to the gate!"
3. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercome, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax ... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and, after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercome and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was taling to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in the back yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 6:09 pm
=D> Haha!! =D>
Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:03 am
Bumper Stickers - For Women!
1. Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
2. Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman!
3. Being unstable and bitchy is all part of my mystique.
4. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you!
5. Marriage: The end of a perfectly good sex life!
6. Romance: It's like sex without handcuffs.
7. Jewelry - Because great sex doesn't last forever!
8. Tequila! Helping women lower their standards for years!
9. Life! So much time, so few men!
1. Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
2. Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman!
3. Being unstable and bitchy is all part of my mystique.
4. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you!
5. Marriage: The end of a perfectly good sex life!
6. Romance: It's like sex without handcuffs.
7. Jewelry - Because great sex doesn't last forever!
8. Tequila! Helping women lower their standards for years!
9. Life! So much time, so few men!
Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2006 7:52 pm
"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
roflmbo!!!!!!!!!!
TOO FUNNY!
Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2006 9:50 am
Boy Howdy !!! I know how TRUE that one is !!!!4. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you!
Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2006 11:30 am
Real T-Shirts
1. REHAB is for quitters.
2. I'm not Santa, but you can still sit on my lap.
3. PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
4. Squirrels: Nature's little speed bumps.
5. My Indian name is Runs With Beer.
6. 333: I'm only evil half the time.
7. Getting married was her idea.
1. REHAB is for quitters.
2. I'm not Santa, but you can still sit on my lap.
3. PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
4. Squirrels: Nature's little speed bumps.
5. My Indian name is Runs With Beer.
6. 333: I'm only evil half the time.
7. Getting married was her idea.
Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 6:31 am
I wish I could buy a RICH man at Dunkin Donuts for 99 cents!!CaptSquid wrote:Bumper Stickers - For Women!
1. Men are like coffee, the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.
