Now this one's a hoot

[peter]

This has gotta be one of the better ones. Where to begin? I guess I'll start at the beginning...

Darren sent off this email to me and some other people in his circle of family & friends.
Please read below;

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"Hi Susan and my family, I wanted to send you some pictures of my van from the beginning, so that you can visually see my progress, and maybe understand WHY I have a hobby of modifying my Astrovan?....

Plus my madness about wanting to Create a Kool looking van, and I have already have been contacted from magazines and calenders to be featured. Did you know that I have already squeezed a modified V8 motor into a smaller V6 engine space.

If you look at all the pictures in order, you will see the differences in lights, wheels, new-style front end, and the way that the sliding door opens UP now (rather than slides open)

My van is still in white primer at this stage because I see other body modifications...... And I think that .... > I can do better than that....? So I modify some more....

I know that Rome wasn`t built in a day, and knor was a Custom Astrovan!......
Enjoy....

Darren xxx"

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WELL! When I received this email, my warped brain started to run in overdrive. Obviously, I'd received an email destined for viewing by those who don't often email/meet up with on the ASV site. So, I fired back to everyone in the original email. See below



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From: peter e [mailto:peter2772000@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 19, 2008 4:59 PM
To: Susan ---; Darren; Mark ---
Subject: Re: My AstroVan pics......

"Deer Susan & family.

I am a friend of Darren's, and I am quite worried about him. He seems to have become quite fixated over his primered-white eyesore. He's either setting this never-ending & on-going project of his on fire, running out of gas or being towed back to his rented home. He has no money (always being thrown at his truck), and his "other friends are creeped out by him due to the strange fixation which he exhibits towards his rolling junkyard. He can't keep a girlfriend long enuf to actually make a baby with her, most women go running outta his apartment shortly after seeing his pierced body parts.

Susan, family.....I suggest an intervention. I love Darren like the brother I never had (oh wait, I do have a brother. Nevertheless...). I think that as concerned and loving family & friends, we are obliged to help this poor SOB as much as we can.

So, who's with me, huh? Huh?"

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I know, I know. I'm scum. I'm a suck-egg, yella-bellied, sap-sucking biscuit eater. I should die a painful death. Twice!
But man, oh man, was that ever fun. Don't know if I'd have done it with Darren living closer to me, though :-k

The final chapter to this saga ends with the email below, sent by the mysterious "Susan". I read it just a few minutes ago, and was torn between laughing my head off and wondering who this "Susan" is? If it's his ex-gf, then I guess I've simply fired off a few more nails into Darren's already bolted-tight coffin....

Read below

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"Hello All! I just hung up with Darren who apparently told me this is some sort of joke. But truthfully, I couldn't agree more with the fixation and the happenstances. I experienced them personally and have thankfully moved on. Darren, I wish you the best and apparently things haven't changed. Again, good luck to you!"

Susan


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So, whadday's all think? Am I gonna pay for ALL this in a future life or (and much more likely), will I simply enter my home one night and find a masked hitman sitting in my dark livingroom, aiming a silenced .22 autopistol at my head

[skippy]

you are screwed petey !!!!!

you better hope air fares never go down enough for him to just happen to be in the area !!!!!

[Smiliesafari]

S-sick
U-ugly
S-sarcastic
A-antagonistic
N-nag

There's no help for the boy. Lets just all move on.

[Jim in Indy]

... Am I gonna pay for ALL this in a future life or (and much more likely), will I simply enter my home one night and find a masked hitman sitting in my dark livingroom, aiming a silenced .22 autopistol at my head

Darren, you can borrow my .45ACP... all 'ya gotta do is get close.

Gosh, don't ya'll just feel the love?

[potskie]

I'm not too too far away for the right price and fuel reimbursment, the fuel probably costing more. I will gladly go primer ZZ so you can hereby refer to it as a white primered eye sore but that's about it peter owns guns remember..............

Then again he lies in a french province so if I showed up with a bigger gun. He would most likely just wave a white flag and then cry about being invaded and then increase the french snobbery because he is the brunt of every white flag joke going.

[lockdoc]

OMG! That is the funniest thing I have heard in awhile. I'm busting a gut. I can't wait to hear Darrens side!

[peter]

Indeed LOLOLOL

Come on over Potskie. I'll be wavin' somethin' alright, but it ain't gonna be no flag

[dunedog]

Peter ,oh Peter....!!!! LMAO

Susan feels better this morning but still wants "to change the man" (fool)

I understand she is heading East for someone who understands, and would never partake in such extreme moneysucking,time sucking,keep the garage out of commission sucking,.....knock,knock
Peter, someone's at the door and Libs not happy!

[kings-x59]

I bet the next email Petey gets from Darren has a really nasty virus attached to it.

[SoCalli V8]

I bet the next email Petey gets from Darren has a really nasty virus attached to it.

Peter already has a nasty virus, it`s called "little man syndrome", which is why he had to stoop this low to beable to squeeze out this pathetic attempt at a joke.

SO What, I maybe taking my time on my van...... I don`t care, because its my hobby and a daily driver any I have done all the work MYSELF.

There is no manual that shows you step by step how to fit a new-style front end onto a old-style shortie cargo, how to shave your gas filler door and weld the filler neck into the drivers door jamb.

How to make your sliding door into a Gullwing and shave every door jamb surface smooth on that slider, how to fit dutch doors, shave the hinges, relocate the license plate box into a regular roll pan and weld in the lower body line.

Fit steel springs to a shortie with a rollpan, fit an newer style dash, then fit a Suburban cluster into that dash which has a built in tach.

I did some of these mods plus fitting a smog legal V8, trying disc rear brakes then converting to 11inch drums and hydro-boost, before AstroSafari was even born in `99.

It all has to be done by trial, error, then go back and try again, if it doesn`t work out.

>> I`m sure that Jocelyn went through the same process when installed your 502, transcase, axle and built the tramper for you, Smurfy....

I mostly work six days a week, so progress is slower, plus I have other toys that I also like to modify also 2.3 turbo car, 2.3 turbo dunebuggy, a dragrace 1150cc jetski another stroker motor jetski, plus I help with friends dragrace cars.

This was simply an email to update my family and a couple of friends on my progress on my van, but Petey saw it as a way to raise his "post whore score" so he posted it up......

I have built 2 vehicles out of 4 that have been featured in magazines in the past, and lost countless girlfriends because " you think more about that car than you do me! " syndrome.... I tell them upfront that this is my hobby, and if you don`t like it you know where the door is.... you are not gonna change me to how YOU want me to be....

I`ve no intention of any gunplay retalliation, because you are too short of a proper target, even with a 12 guage..... Plus you have that flea infestation guarding your house...... Ehew

[Jim in Indy]

...that flea infestation...

Oh-oh. Now that's throwing down the gauntlet.

[peter]

Considering what I did, I think he's taking it rather well

I never even connected the dots when I first saw the name Susan. I swear. Only afterwards did it hit me that "Susan" may have been the the same Susan who Darren had gone out with. But by that time, I'd already drafted & posted this thread and was busy rolling on the floor in painful laughter, thinking about how lucky I was to have been born this witty...
Anyways, no harm done, she is an ex. Right?

PS: At the rate you're going, my "flea infestation" (referring to my lovely and adorable PitPoodle Fuffy, no doubt) may be the only female on the planet who'll have anything to do with you, Darren

[dunedog]

Peter, I do believe you hit a nerve !!!!

[lockdoc]

Peter, I do believe you hit a nerve !!!!

C'mon Darren. Don't get all gurly on us. I know you have a good come back in you somewhere! You have to admit he got ya good with that one. How could he have possibly passed up such an oppertunity?

[kings-x59]

Yep probably tweeked a nerve and maybe a bit over the line....