You have to thaw out the fire in order to get warm...
you relieve yourself and it freezes before it hits the ground...
Butter in the fridge is softer than the butter on the counter...
(keep it going)
You KNOW it's cold when...
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CaptSquid
Topic author - I plan to be buried in my van
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:50 am
- Location: Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
You KNOW it's cold when...
Mike, Billings, MT, 'MERICA!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
92 Safari SLE w/Z Motor (sold to a good home)
98 AWD Stro LS
93 Suburban Silverado 4x4
Look for the MISSING Alien in the Right Seat. AL, PHONE HOME!!!
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MountainManJoe
- Sheriff
-
I have my van tatooed on my cheeks
- Posts: 3255
- Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2008 12:55 pm
- Location: The Pacific North Wet
Re: You KNOW it's cold when...
Mob corpses seen skidding across the River.
Strip clubs advertising "Live Heavily-Dressed Girls!"
Instead of the finger, people are giving each other the mitten.
Cabbies wearing flannel turbans.
You have to chisel the dog off a lamp-post
Your shadow freezes to the sidewalk
You open the fridge to heat the house.
Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass
Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
The snowman begs you to take him inside at night
Jokes told in November don't get laughed at until spring thaw in March
And one I just made up... You have to keep blinking so your eyeballs don't freeze.
Strip clubs advertising "Live Heavily-Dressed Girls!"
Instead of the finger, people are giving each other the mitten.
Cabbies wearing flannel turbans.
You have to chisel the dog off a lamp-post
Your shadow freezes to the sidewalk
You open the fridge to heat the house.
Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass
Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
The snowman begs you to take him inside at night
Jokes told in November don't get laughed at until spring thaw in March
And one I just made up... You have to keep blinking so your eyeballs don't freeze.
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MountainManJoe
- Sheriff
-
I have my van tatooed on my cheeks
- Posts: 3255
- Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2008 12:55 pm
- Location: The Pacific North Wet
Re: You KNOW it's cold when...
Degrees of Cold (I had to translate so unfortunately some humour is lost)
+18℃ Residents of Hawaii sleep with two sheets.
+10℃ Residents in Helsinki apartments turn the heat off. Russians cultivate flowers.
+2℃ Italian cars don't start
0℃ Distilled water freezes
-1℃ Your breath becomes visible. Russians eat ice cream and drink cold beer.
-4℃ The dog tries to crawl into your bed.
-10℃ French cars don't start.
-12℃ Politicians start speaking about the homeless.
-15℃ American cars don't start.
-18℃ Helsinki residents turn on the heat. Residents of Hawaii already froze.
-20℃ Your breath becomes audible.
-24℃ German cars don't start
-29℃ The dog tries to crawl into your pyjamas. Japanese cars don't start.
-30℃ No normal cars, even Russian, can start.
-39℃ The fervent atmosphere in Congress freezes. Russians do up the top button on their shirts.
-50℃ The car tries to crawl into the bed with you.
-60℃ Residents of Helsinki freeze. Seals abandon Greenland and migrate South.
-70℃ Hell freezes over. University of Kuznetsk organizes cross-country orienteering to warm up.
-72℃ Lawyers put their hands into their own pockets.
-75℃ Santa Claus abandons the Arctic Circle.
-120℃ Alcohol freezes. The Russian is pissed off.
-268℃ Helium turns to liquid
-273.15℃ Absolute zero. Motion of all sub-atomic particles ceases. The Russian, licking his frozen vodka, admits that it's damn cold.
+18℃ Residents of Hawaii sleep with two sheets.
+10℃ Residents in Helsinki apartments turn the heat off. Russians cultivate flowers.
+2℃ Italian cars don't start
0℃ Distilled water freezes
-1℃ Your breath becomes visible. Russians eat ice cream and drink cold beer.
-4℃ The dog tries to crawl into your bed.
-10℃ French cars don't start.
-12℃ Politicians start speaking about the homeless.
-15℃ American cars don't start.
-18℃ Helsinki residents turn on the heat. Residents of Hawaii already froze.
-20℃ Your breath becomes audible.
-24℃ German cars don't start
-29℃ The dog tries to crawl into your pyjamas. Japanese cars don't start.
-30℃ No normal cars, even Russian, can start.
-39℃ The fervent atmosphere in Congress freezes. Russians do up the top button on their shirts.
-50℃ The car tries to crawl into the bed with you.
-60℃ Residents of Helsinki freeze. Seals abandon Greenland and migrate South.
-70℃ Hell freezes over. University of Kuznetsk organizes cross-country orienteering to warm up.
-72℃ Lawyers put their hands into their own pockets.
-75℃ Santa Claus abandons the Arctic Circle.
-120℃ Alcohol freezes. The Russian is pissed off.
-268℃ Helium turns to liquid
-273.15℃ Absolute zero. Motion of all sub-atomic particles ceases. The Russian, licking his frozen vodka, admits that it's damn cold.