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Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 8:24 pm
by CaptSquid
I got this e-mail tonight and wanted to share a laugh with you.
Re: YOU NEED TO SAVE YOUR LIVE
Attn:
I AM VERY SORRY FOR YOU, IS A PITY THAT THIS IS HOW YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO END. MY DUTY AS I AM MAILING YOU NOW IS JUST TO KILL YOU AND I HAVE TO DO IT AS I HAVE ALREADY BEEN PAID.
SOMEONE YOU CALL A FRIEND WANTS YOU DEAD BY ALL MEANS, AND THE PERSON HAVE SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON THIS, THE PERSON ALSO CAME TO US AND TOLD ME THAT HE WANT YOU DEAD AND HE PROVIDED US WITH YOUR NAME, PICTURE AND OTHER NECESSARY INFORMATION'S WE NEEDED ABOUT YOU. SO I SENT MY BOYS TO TRACK YOU DOWN AND THEY HAVE CARRIED OUT THE NECESSARY INVESTIGATION NEEDED FOR THE OPERATION ON YOU, AND THEY HAVE DONE THAT BUT I TOLD THEM NOT TO KILL YOU THAT I WILL LIKE TO CONTACT YOU, NOT SINCE THEIR FINDINGS SHOWS THAT YOU ARE INNOCENT.
I CALLED MY CLIENT BACK AND ASK OF YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS WHICH I DIDN'T TELL HIM WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH IT AND HE GAVE IT TO ME AND I AM USING IT TO CONTACT YOU NOW. AS I AM WRITING TO YOU NOW MY MEN ARE MONITORING YOU AND THEY ARE TELLING ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELL ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW. REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, IN CASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.
DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU OF THE DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD FOR ANY LEGAL ACTION.
Name: SIR. SLICE MAX
Email: slice-xxx@w.cn
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 8:38 pm
by MountainManJoe
Interesting. I'd expect that from Africa but not China.
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 2:18 am
by astroturf
Where is the part where they ask for your credit card number to avert this great action?
And, Oh, By the way... All this after you finally got yer electric scooter too.
Take care Squid, It was nice knowing ya.
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:06 am
by CaptSquid
Maybe this "killer" got paid in Nigerian Pesos and is trying to find out how to come to the US in order to perform his duty.
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:21 pm
by astroturf
Perhaps, You should respond and offer him 2 bucks to reverse the hit.
It could work.
LOLz, Jim
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:37 am
by CaptSquid
Can I go back outside now?
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:27 pm
by Kidhauler
Since the first post is a few days old now I can only assume your dead.
First off my deepest sympathies on your recent passing.
Second when do we hold the wake
Is it too early to call dibs on his stuff or would that be insensitive?
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:30 pm
by LiftedAWDAstro
Yeah, it's too early to call dibs.
Of course now that 5 seconds have passed...I call dibs!
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:13 pm
by CaptSquid
I'm
DEAD? 
Why don't people tell me these things?
There's so much to do -- sell the Stro, sell the Safari, cash in on all that Facebook stock...
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:20 pm
by astroturf
Dang Squid, you got so much to do...
You'll be runnin round like a chicken with it's head cut off.
Good Luck with the preparations.
Jim
PS Let us know how it is on the other side too!!!
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:43 pm
by CaptSquid
Well, I'm in the middle of a very large parking lot, filled with vans. I'm told I can pick any one I want and it comes with all the options. But I can't see what brand they are. As I move toward them, they move away. I guess I must choose before I see what brand it is.
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:23 pm
by astroturf
Dang Squid...
That doesn't sound like you went to the Good Place.
Oh Well, Enjoy.
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:56 am
by CaptSquid
I got a reply from "Sir Slice Max":
LISTEN ,
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR QUESTIONS. IF YOU FEEL THIS IS A JOKE JUST TRY ME AND SEE. I HAVE MY PEOPLE WATCHING YOU AND ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO SO I MUST TELL YOU I HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE WITH WHAT I HAVE TO DO WITH YOU. I INFORMED YOU ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I WANT TO BUY OUT THIS DEAL AND MOVE VERY FAR FROM HERE AND ALSO GIVING YOU INFORMATION ON HOW TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK AND PROTECTED. LISTEN, I WAS PAID VERY WELL TO GET THIS JOB DONE SO I DEMAND YOUR FULL CO-OPERATION AND ONCE AGAIN IF YOU DECIDE TO F**K WITH YOUR LIFE CALL THE POLICE I WOULD NOT HESITATE TO CARRY OUT THIS JOB AND KILL YOU, INCLUDING THOSE THAT ARE CLOSE TO YOU.
I DEMAND $10,000 TO LET GO OF YOU AND I WOULD NOT REPEAT MY SELF TWICE. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO IT THE EASY WAY AND KEEP THIS AS QUITE AS POSSIBLE, IF YOU CONTACT THE POLICE I WOULD KNOW AND WHEN I DO, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THE POLICE WOULD NOT GIVE YOU THE DESIRED 100% PROTECTION THAT YOU NEED, I AM NOT WILLING AND READY TO TALK FURTHER, THIS IS THE DEAL, YOU TAKE OR I DO WHAT I WAS PAID TO DO. AS SOON AS I READ BACK FROM YOU, THEN YOU WILL GET DETAILS ON HOW TO PAY MONEY THROUGH, DO NOT THINK OF TRACKING ME DOWN BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE MY SCHEDULE ON YOU AND ANY FUNNY MOVES WOULD BRING YOU SADNESS AND MAYBE YOUR FAMILY TOO, (WHO KNOWS)
Should I ask this putz where I am to send this money?
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:23 am
by T.Low
Tell him you are going to send the money via your transporter, and that the check will be made for 5 thousand above the contract price and he is to reimburse your transporter the extra 5 thousand for his work. You'd pay him yourself, but you are too busy installing a v8 into your scooter.
And then when he least expects it,
test out that new orthodic on his rib cage a few times. Then you can barrow my old 4x4 f150 and I'll put a shovel in the back for you. Just bury the truck, too, so I can report it stolen in a week or two.
Re: Ooooh! I'm Terrified!
Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 6:58 am
by CaptSquid
Well, Sir Slice has come down in his demands. He now wants just $5K and he wants me to Western Onion it to Kuala Lumpur ( he can't even spell his own town! )
This guy is incredibly stupid. People like him prey on the gullible, and there are far too many gullible people out there. Strange how this one throw-away e-mail account is the ONLY one that gets SPAMMED. But, if I have it shut down, it'll take the amusement out of my life. I get a great deal of amusement from people who claim that:
they're my friend
dearest one
beloved
I need your help
Business Partner/Opportunity
You get the picture.